Tinder, Bumble, Hinge… and Exhaustion? When Dating Feels Like a Job: Tips to Avoid Burnout and Stay Hopeful.
As we step into 2025, many of us might find ourselves sighing
at the thought of our dating lives, thinking, "Here we go
again." Part of us is drawn to the idea of finding that
perfect romance, while another part feels completely drained
by the emotional rollercoaster of modern dating.
Dating apps have completely changed the way we meet people and
approach relationships. Unlike previous generations, who often
fell in love with a neighbor, a friend’s sibling, or a
classmate, dating now feels more like online shopping. A
popular TikTok song sums it up: “I’m looking for a man in
finance, trust fund, 6’5, blue eyes”—basically, the dating
equivalent of ordering limited-edition Yeezys.
These days, swiping left and right has become the norm. First
dates feel like job interviews, with both people trading
rehearsed lines about hobbies and work. Over time, this
routine can leave you feeling drained and disconnected.
As this cycle continues, hopelessness can creep in: “When will
I ever find someone?” Many people start to feel defeated,
worrying they’ll end up alone. Instead of being excited about
meeting someone new, you may find yourself thinking about all
the effort you’re putting into dates (e.g., money, time,
emotional energy) and wondering if it’s even worth it.
Dating fatigue makes it harder to show up fully present for
the next date, and this mindset often sets the tone for a
lackluster experience. Conversations feel robotic, and both
people leave thinking, “That was so boring.” The app gets
deleted… until the loneliness returns, and the cycle begins
again.
This grind can even make people stay in relationships that no
longer serve them, simply because they dread going through the
process of dating again. Over time, self-doubt can start to
creep in: “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I make this work
when other people seem so happy?” It’s a confidence killer,
leaving you feeling unlovable and stuck.
How to Break Free from Dating Fatigue
Take a Break—But Maybe Not Too Long
When dating starts to feel like a chore, taking a step back can give you a much-needed reset. But be careful not to let a break turn into avoidance. The longer you stay away, the harder it might feel to start again. Dating takes effort and courage, and long breaks can make it even harder to re-engage. Instead, take enough time to recharge but keep the door open to return when you’re ready.
Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome
It’s easy to go into a date hoping the person sitting across from you might be "the one," but that can put a lot of pressure on you both. Instead, shift your mindset to focus on the experience itself. Be curious about the process and see where it leads. Even if the date doesn’t lead to a second one, it’s still a chance to try something new, like a different restaurant or a unique activity, or simply share a laugh and enjoy your evening. And if nothing else, it might make for a funny story to share with your best friend later.
Build a Better Relationship with Yourself
Dating isn’t just about getting to know someone else. It’s also about learning more about yourself. What do you truly enjoy? What makes you feel connected? Think of it like trying different food at a food festival: you invest a little time and energy to discover what you like (and what you don’t). Building a healthy relationship with yourself is key, and it’s important not to tie your entire identity to dating. If dating takes up 30% of your life, don’t let it define 100% of your happiness.
Get Support When You Need It
Dating can feel lonely at times, and it’s not always easy to share your ups and downs with friends or family. That’s where a therapist can help. Having someone to talk to about your experiences can help you develop clarity and confidence as you navigate the challenges of dating. At Ocean Blue Therapy, our team has extensive experience helping clients build fulfilling relationships and navigate the dating journey with confidence. We’re here to support you every step of the way. Visit our website to connect with a therapist who can guide you on your path.
